it looks like im moving to calgary. next thursday.

weird.


i can't really decide if i'm happy or excited or sad or anything. I guess i'm still in a bit of shock. were moving into a house though, with emily and that means i can get a puppy adam says. and considering how everyone in victoria seems to hate me (except for Julie who i'm crushed about leaving behind...) it'll be a good oppertunity to make friends. Oh well, Jules can make the bus ride up here sometimes. its only like...13 hours... heh....

i talked it over with drew and he's going to arrange to transfer to U of C after his first term is done. But that ends in december so i'm not gonna see him for awhile but thats ok. We can work it out. we're stronger then ever now.

but yeah i guess it kinda sucks, because i've lived in BC for my whole life andddd now i'm going to be a prairie girl?? ahh the winters are so cold there....and i can't see myself living without the ocean..sheeesh i don't know how i'm going to get used to it but just as long as adam is happy with his new job and just as long as were together and i have drew i'll make it. i always have in the end.

aww i just drank all my water and now i'm sad

i just want nov.3 to come so i can go to my freeeeekin rolling stones concert.

i'm so bored and full of pent up energy. I'm sick and so is drew because i gave it to him so we just stayed in bed alll last night and alll day just watching movies and cuddling and eating soup. it was so fun!

and then i gave drew a hickey . hahahahahahahaha

i get tofurkey tomorrowww!!!!!!! yummy. And then on monday i'm going to little drewberries mothers house for turkey dinner minus the turkey. so in a sense, im eating two turkey dinners this weekend.

gym time! because i ate mcdonalds and cheeseless pizza and a sandwhich today too :S not so healthy.

today wasn't so great. drews cranky with me because i didn't do to his orientation party with him because i got called into work. grrr. he got all snappy and rude to me on the phone and i just want to smack him.

and then give him a biiiiig kiss.

don't be mad at me :(

sheeesh everythings all...higgledipiggledi and strange and its only been 3 weeks!

boys break hearts.

thats it all.

well i haven't updated in a looong time have i now? Right now probably isn't the best time to be doing so since its 1:36 in the morning and i'm expected to be up at 9:30 so i can run 10k with drew and the puppy. ugh. but i've got a lot on my mind.
theres just this constant nagging feeling of something wrong in the pit of my stomach. i'd rather not get into it on LJ but its bugging me and i need to talk to my phyc. It just bugs me that people can be so cruel to other people. i read the jamie bulger case and it was awful. i've never been effected by a news article so much. I try to be a good person but yet i find myself quite often wallowing in self pity or reliving certain experiances of my life over and over and not letting myself get over it. I just feel really hurt sometimes and its the kind of hurt where nothing works except to cut. and it sucks because people daily tell me how good it is to see me happy. i've used up all the time i deserve wasting others time with my problems and its time to give back but i still feel sad. why? beats me.
i'm in a safe home, with a loving guardian, i have a boyfriend who i love to death and who loves me enough to stay in victoria for university, i have all my limbs, i'm healthy, i'm not a starving child in africa. its like, fuck girl what more do you want?
and i'm doing well. i run 4 times a week, 2 of those times 10 k, i'm getting all a's, i've got work, i don't smoke pot or drink anymore... everyone is so proud of me but theres always one more bad thing to bring down the good things. it just feels like i'm never going to accomplish anything with my life. i want to be recognized for something good, or do something that i can stand back and say "fuck yeah thats cool"
i was reading about this girl who made all these videos on youtube and now she has a contract with mtv. i want to do something neat like that, but bascailly my self confidence is shit. why does it matter what anyone thinks? everyone pretty much thinks i'm a weirdo anyways... I just feel lonely, ya know? i have my few friends, drew, my brother but i'm always worrying about worrying them. its just so much pressure to be happy. i have my forums, but its hard to convicne people how much you need help admist all the blantant liars which makes you blend in as one aswell and i'll be damned if i'm called a liar. i just hate feeling this way.

this is why its bad to stay up late. you download bad music.

patridge family - think i love you
leslie gore - its my party and i'll cry if i want to

wtf????
i need sleep.

we're over you, so stop thinking you're so important and fuck off.

p.s Get a life.

i can't feel the left side of my face. its all numb from the dentist :(
i hate everything

immature people suck. and sadly, they always turn out to be who are my friends. or ex friends. Sorry it just happens so fucking often its hard to keep it straight.

drama drama drama.

"i've changed i swear! oh wait, its time for me to get all uptight or a stupid thing and leave. peace out"

sorry, i'm just a stupid patsy who clearly can't accomplish anything on her own and needs constant support. please. I deserve a little more fucking credit.

bahaha you suck.